


Be Brave

by the5leggedCricket



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Not Beta Read, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 04:51:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4508484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the5leggedCricket/pseuds/the5leggedCricket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur's crumbling under the pressure of Uther's expectations. Morgana gives him a crystal, hoping to show him the future is something worth living for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Brave

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the 'mercy killing' square on my hurt/comfort bingo card.  
> It's a very rough drabble, unbeta'd. Might be edited later.

Arthur took the crystal Morgana had given him for his birthday just last week out of its box.

 

It was meant to cheer him up. Morgana knew how hard it was for him, had noticed the dwindling of his smiles, the slump of his shoulders, the fake reassurances that everything was okay, and had wanted to give him hope. After months of practising, she’d proudly told him, she’d finally be able to create a crystal. Whoever it was given to would see their future. So in the seclusion of his room--not that he lacked any privacy whatsoever in a house that was nearly constantly empty except for his own presence--he huddled under a blanket and stared in the crystal’s unfathomable depths.

 

_...Arthur stared out of the window. The night had fallen over the city and cars were lighting the roads far beneath him. He turned back towards his desk, rolling his shoulders in an attempt to relax his stiff muscles. Glancing around, he noticed that his secretary was gone. He hadn’t heard her leave. He rubbed his face and got back to work..._

 

_...His key turned in the lock and the door swung open. Arthur almost dropped his suitcase on the ground, then reconsidered and carefully put it on the kitchen table. He microwaved something--he didn’t even care what it was; everything tasted bland--and went to his room to shrug out of his clothes. After everything was folded neatly and he’d put on his pajamas, he turned on the television and ate his meal. He shivered. Arthur was exhausted, but deliberately watched the newscast from all the important channels. Nobody was waiting for him. He hated the sight and feel of an empty bed…_

 

_...Arthur scored a hole-in-one. His father nodded once before focusing all his attention on their next possible business partner standing next to him. Uther was smiling and listening attentively, but Arthur could tell that something was wrong. He decidedly ignored them, knowing Uther would only get angry if he got in between Uther’s efforts to impress the man, and continued his own conversation with Bayard. It wouldn’t do to feel him left out. Bayard with important to them and damn well knew it. Arthur would be flattered that Uther trusted him with Bayard, if it weren’t so much work. Almost half of his free time had to be sacrificed for him, and still it wasn’t enough for Uther. Arthur wondered what was…_

 

Arthur dropped the crystal. So much for it raising his spirits. It had been wrong to get up his hopes. Clearly his future was as bad as he’d feared. He’d still feel inadequate. He’d still be under the never relenting pressure. He’d still aspire to be good enough for his father and fail.

 

To him, the idea was unbearable. The expectations of his father already had him crumbling; he was quite literally caving under the stress. How would he ever live like this for years? He didn’t know how old he’d been in the vision, but it was certainly more than ten years away. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to go through that. He didn’t want to live like that. He wanted to be someone he could be proud of, someone who actually meant something, someone who made lives better. He didn’t want to be some businessman who didn’t have an impact on anyone’s life except for their money. He didn’t want to be average. Why would he keep living miserably, keep surviving, if his reward was to be a nobody?

 

He shouldn’t have to.

 

The idea had been in his mind, occupying his thoughts, for quite some time, but this look into his future had just confirmed that it would be right decision. Nothing could be more painful that what he’d just witnessed. Not to him.

 

His heart started beating faster. Now that his mind was set, he couldn’t help but feel a tendril of fear. He had to be brave now. It would be a mercy.

 

Trembling hands pulled of the covers of his bed and carried them towards the top of the stairs. Weeks ago he’d printed out some papers with instructions on how to tie it properly. He’d practiced it for days, but Arthur didn’t want to risk doing anything wrong and decided to bring the papers with him.

 

He had to wipe the sweat of his hands several times but in the end, he tied both ends of the sheets. One end was tied with a sturdy knot around his neck, the other was tied to the bannister.

 

Arthur climbed over the handrail. He was quivering now. His heart was racing and he felt hot and cold at the same time. He had to blink to get his eyes to focus and when they did, the floor seemed dizzyingly far away. Unconsciously he tried to take a step back but the rail dug in his back. He gripped it tightly. _Come on, do it. Would you rather be brave for one second, just long enough to get through with it, or be a coward and have to endure that pathetic, meaningless life?_

 

Arthur didn’t know how long he stood there, arguing with and convincing himself. But eventually, he found the courage he needed. He muttered, “Fuck it,” and jumped. It was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all feedback welcome.


End file.
